my diagnosis.

my diagnosis.

[Music] what the flip is up to nation it’s sarah baska i am clinging on to whatever ounce of energy i have left i feel like it’s a teaspoon you know i’m really trying to keep it positive energy and like up energy but i cannot complete that task it’s just been kind of a mind [ __ ] these past few days as you guys know or maybe you don’t i have been having some health issues i was really nervous to take that step and figure out you know what exactly is wrong with me and what’s wrong with my body because i could just tell that there was something not right i’ve been having weird issues with my feet they started to tingle and burn and i started getting really bad fatigue tired all the time no matter what i did and it was like a really hopeless feeling so the last video that i posted was the first part of this journey i suppose but this video is gonna be my diagnosis and i had to wait a few weeks and that’s why it’s taken a long time so yeah this video is really raw it’s not embarrassing but it’s just like i wasn’t gonna post this because i didn’t want this on the internet but then i was really thinking about it and i was like maybe this will make someone feel less alone if they’re going through health issues or if they have gone through health issues and i want to feel less alone i feel alone in this [ __ ] it’s been really frustrating to figure this out i’ve been trying for years but yeah so i will check back with you guys at the very end i encourage everyone to watch the whole process just so you guys get the full experience but before we get started we do have a sponsorship take it away past sarah today’s video is sponsored by expressvpn sending data over an unencrypted internet connection is like sending a postcard your message is exposed and wide open for the mailman and any other nosy person to see whenever you’re connected to an unencrypted internet network on your phone computer tablet tv etc you are sending all that info into the digital world and it can be 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for the day it’s super easy to connect you just push the big round button that says connect and now you’re in canada a and then you go back on netflix you type in modern family and she’s right there find out how you can get three months of expressvpn for free by visiting expressvpn.com sarah baska or clicking the link in the description below thank you so much expressvpn for sponsoring and let’s get into the video y’all woo thank you past sarah hope y’all enjoyed it i’ll see you at the very end so okay that i’m always wearing this shirt when i’m doing it’s just embarrassing are you really that’s another uniform so ryan was an angel and he picked me up at eight in the morning took me all the way to santa monica once again no answers i’m so annoyed i just want an answer the doctor looked over my x-ray he said that my spine looked okay i had to get blood work from my other doctor and so he wanted to review my most recent results so my other doctor had to transfer those results over to him and he looked at the blood work and he was like yeah the tests that they ran on you are kind of useless i just had to pay so much [ __ ] money and i had to order like 10 new blood tests and they’re testing me for like a bunch of other things do you have a sliver lining though what was that it was slippery lining moments getting closer and i really really like this doctor i was excited for ryan to meet him because he’s funny he’s like a dad he just gets straight to the point no [ __ ] like he’s nice but he treats me like a little kid and i love it like he treats me like i’m his child and it’s really comforting like he’s like concerned about me he looks like matt wolf’s dad we don’t actually know what matt wolf’s dad looks like but we are assuming that he i was gonna google it and then i saw his daughter so i didn’t he’s awesome and then he got like deep with us i don’t know what it is but like strangers that i meet always like tend to open up to me about random things like he told us about this crazy i guess spiritual experience that he had where he realized that he had to like get a divorce with his wife and i’m like okay yeah so he told us that he was divorced three times and now i want to know like what his baggage is like why he keeps getting divorces and like what is his issue we’re married yeah yeah but yeah i just wanted to update you guys on that no idea when my next appointment is because i have to schedule these [ __ ] blood tests and hoping that these tests will just tell me [ __ ] something so i can take some next steps i’m just sick of having health anxiety and then he also said that like my liver wasn’t doing well like my liver enzymes nor is mine that were going through my blood test comparing it to yours as he was reading it whatever that narrow thing is was yours was high mine was like below good white blood cells right yeah i guess um and he was like this one’s pretty high so i was thinking maybe you have diabetes and i was like what and then he was like but then i scrolled down a little bit and then this means that or you don’t have diabetes i’m like okay so like what so yeah i’m [ __ ] pissed but it’s fine i’m just grateful that i’m even capable of getting help but you also might just have a bacterial right isn’t that kind of what you said yeah like an autoimmune those her white blood cells higher like i literally feel like he’s speaking to me in a different language when he’s telling me all this [ __ ] because i’m like i can’t retain any of this information like i have no idea what you’re talking about because it’s just so complicated but basically white fights bacteria so he thinks that there might be a bacterial infection inside of me that my body has been fighting off for years and i just don’t know what it is so that’s weird it’s so crazy to think about that like inside of my body that’s just happening like my white blood cells are just like going off right now they’re just popping off right you’re just an animal and it’s fighting a disease possibly inside you but then you’re also [ __ ] vlogging yeah like i wish that i could see on a screen what my body’s doing on the inside i want to see what it looks like when my food is being digested this is a magic school bus yes did you see that video of that man who got swallowed by a whale no you have it oh my god it went viral it’s this man who was i don’t know if he was surfing or if he was just like well he survived yeah so like pinocchio a whale literally swallowed him and he just fell down the esophagus and he thought that he was going to like like this yes yes imagine just like being in a whale’s stomach and just being like i can’t die immediately like i just have to wait this out or like die from starvation because i can’t eat in here and then the blow hole just popped out i guess you know what kind of whale it was i don’t know and i didn’t really read into it i should read into it he either got blown out of the mouth again it like projected him out of the mouth or the blowhole i’m not sure i need to read up on that but somehow he made it out of the whale but i’m just like how crazy would that be to be sitting in a whale stomach and like seeing the organs and it’s probably just pitch black yeah that’s true there’s a little light i always [ __ ] say that that would be my worst nightmare honestly i’m claustrophobic i’m not gonna die what did i [Music] are we sure this is real because i really don’t believe i swear i’m gonna stop this right now and find it was so updated he wasn’t in the actual whale’s stomach he was in the throat and the whale spit him out after 30 seconds so that’s [ __ ] traumatizing one in a trillion you know your insides are like another universe realistically they could have their own world inside of you it’s so crazy to think about that each cell in our body is like its own universe literally mini universe and there’s billions of and how like your eye looks like the universe so we are like continuously another [ __ ] universe yeah the fact that we have a pineal gland releases dmt when we die part of our brains gets released after we die so like how do you not believe in spirituality you know well you know the biggest devil worshiper on his deathbed said oh my god everything i’ve been teaching is not true when he saw the life crazy wait what did he die i need you to watch an hour video [Music] i’m like an emotional girl these days ever since i started micro dosing he’s feeling his emotions again guys like i cried for my first time i think it’s ever since you did psychedelics you were able to tap into your emotions easier well yeah my first bachelorette i had like a year covering which is why you shouldn’t [ __ ] around with that because you felt all of your emotions for the first time all at once i didn’t have ptsd from that experience but without microsoft incredible it’s also [ __ ] jamie lynn’s fear it’s just i [ __ ] hate her hair she’s useless she’s daddy’s favorite and like literally toned up she already posted have your father say the best dad in the world so you guys are all and she posted that they’re all living off brittany it’s disgusting and that’s when you are selling your souls to the devil it’s like it’s all morality yeah people don’t have morals if you’re making a lot of money it’s easy to be like yeah you know and they get to tap back into the humanity part where this is a real person yes [ __ ] the court system everyone should be scared of the car and the police because no one has your back unless you have money yeah there’s my ex’s house we love having to drive by it all the time thank you ryan he’s the best for taking me to my appointment and holding my hand my doctor said i had clammy hands and it was so embarrassing that’s his fault for touching he literally didn’t even touch them he just observed that’s our little rant bye we love you brittany [Music] that’s so [ __ ] hot just walking to my car i almost had a heat stroke sorry if the audio sucks i have to turn on the air conditioner it’s so [ __ ] hot and i’m looking rough i’m feeling rough let me take out my nicotine gum i’ve been at the doctors all day i just got a bunch of blood work done i had to go to this one place that was 30 minutes away from my house i had to get 12 tests done on this arm so much blood i couldn’t even look usually i think the blood tests are fascinating and i like looking at the tube this time oh my god i like this was the longest time i’ve had a needle inside of me and it hurt pretty bad this time and then after that i had to drive 30 minutes the opposite direction and i had to get more blood work done on my other arm and that time was a [ __ ] nightmare because that specific place it’s walk-ins only like you can’t make an appointment i got there like 10 in the morning and they opened at nine i thought i was like on my [ __ ] there’s gonna be no line false there was three people in front of me there was only one lady that was doing the tests huh and so i had to wait like an hour and a half because oh god bless these children oh i don’t know why it was like was there like a kids discount today for blood work i don’t [ __ ] know but there were so many little children in that place and it’s not a pediatric place it’s literally just a laboratory where they draw your blood and send it out to an actual lab i’m sweating there was these two little boys in front of me in line and they were so [ __ ] cute they were like they had to have been four they would not sit still and i get it it’s scary as a little kid getting a needle in you but they wouldn’t sit still and they were like screaming and crying for i’m not kidding 30 minutes before they were able to even get the test done they were just not having it and it’s a small little room the waiting room is like right next to the actual room and it’s like an open room so there’s no closed doors so you can just hear everything and you can like see it there was like this clear window that you could like see inside and i didn’t want to look because i felt bad for the little kids but oh my god it was really rough to like witness that i felt so bad like i’ve never heard a child screaming for that long like in that much terror and i felt so bad for the mom because the mom was so stressed trying to calm her kids down and like i was really understanding obviously i’m not gonna like freak out that it’s taking so long but my god and it was crazy because like while i was waiting like an hour in everyone started coming at like 11 o’clock the line was out the door people were like sitting in the hallways it was chaos and it was one little room and just just a line out the door and just screaming children oh my god that was a lot so anyway i went to my eyeglasses place because i needed to get a new eye exam and schedule that and i walked in this little kid looked at me and said something i think about my bandages about my arms and i was like oh my god i hope these people don’t think i’m like on heroin so i sat down with one of the eye doctors and i was like before you say anything i’m not on drugs i swear i just got my blood drawn she was like oh my god i didn’t even notice that she’s like it’s crazy what our minds tell us about what other people are thinking and it’s like yeah but also that little kid said something to his mom and it was even worse because after i was talking to the eye lady to schedule my appointment i was like can i use your bathroom i had to pee really bad she was like yeah sure so it seems like i’m doing heroin even more by going to the bathroom right after i just told them i’m not doing heroin this is just my anxiety right now it’s been a day and it’s only 1 30. but i feel really good i got all my blood work done everything’s being sent over to the lab i’m going to know my results in a few weeks i just pray that the results are going to come back through these tests [Applause] [Music] okay sorry my other doctor just called me in the middle of that she just wanted an update on my neurology [ __ ] my blood work she just wanted to see how it went so my white blood cells inside of me are are [ __ ] in battle and they’re just starting fights with something so there’s something in me there’s like a disease or a bacteria inside of me and my white blood cells are in fight or flight and so i just told my doctor right now on the phone that and she was like can you tell your body to just like make love and not war i’m like exactly so that’s fun but yeah i’m about to go to this hair shop and pick up my new hair i just picked up my hair god bless i’m feeling optimistic i love this security card oh [ __ ] the security guard was the one that came outside and handed me my hair oh my god i wanted to get my car washed today but i didn’t have time my car on the outside has never been this dirty it’s barely even white in the inside it’s fine like the inside of my car is pretty clean it’s just the outside i can barely even see through my windshield there’s like speckles of scattered bird poop and whatnot i don’t even know if that’s bird poop i don’t even know what it is like dead bugs and it’s making me feel bad i’m like [ __ ] i’m so sorry you guys i’m really annoyed because i went to ulta to get makeup and these [ __ ] thought i was stealing [ __ ] i don’t have a per i’m quirky i don’t wear purses i wear backpacks i don’t know why i’m super hyper sensitive to this [ __ ] but i can’t stand having more weight on one part of my body than the other side carrying a purse you put it on one side of your body and it just like messes up my weight distribution does that make and i’m just super i hate it so i wear backpacks i have this really cute backpack love it i have like 20 different backpacks and different styles that match my outfit but i wore my backpack into ulta and i was getting eyed eyed down by the people that work there and i’m like oh my god i’m just too much of a waiting like i just have too much anxiety to do that anyway i accidentally stole something in a halloween store like a few years ago i just remember walking out to the parking lot and having something in my hand and being like oh [ __ ] and my friend was like it’s fine just keep it and i was like i can’t i went up to someone at the halloween store i’m like i’m so sorry she was like oh it’s fine and i’m like oh i thought that you were gonna like praise me more i don’t know whatever but yeah the ulta ladies thought i was stealing [ __ ] there wasn’t that many people in the store you know in ulta they have those little microphone things and they can talk to each other i saw a lot of them doing that i was like okay and then you know how right when you leave the store there’s obviously those like security things i wanted to like walk through it and then turn around and be like oh whatever i’m privileged i’m gonna go in my house finally i’ve been up since seven in the morning i’m so tired okay bye this is a vulnerable moment usually when i get super anxious about things i just tend to brush it off and ignore the problem or the situation and just like not deal with it until like things really blow up in my face and i’m like really like actually like really [ __ ] scared and i didn’t want to like show you guys how scared i was because i didn’t want to like scare you guys but like i’ve never like felt this way ever i thought it was only 16 tests but i realized that it was like actually 24 no 26 tests not 16. i had to take 26 blood tests today i know that it’s something serious because of the symptoms that i’ve been having i just never wanted to deal with it i just didn’t want anything to become super serious i know that i’m not gonna freak you guys out you guys want to know what’s going on in my life but i don’t know i guess i feel this overwhelming pressure that i have to be okay all the time when in reality this is what’s going on so i love you guys thanks for watching and i don’t know it’s about to come out after this but we’ll transition into that so these are thyroid antibodies again there’s just there’s a measurement of whether your immune system is tagging your thyroid already in the tissue so these are the two ones we look at that create something called hashimoto’s which eventually develops into hypothyroidism we look at these like both from a disease model and a functional model but this is the left interval you can see your way eye so this means that your thyroid has also been tacked so you have the diagnosis of hashimoto’s thyroids but when it gets to be over like 240 250 i start going what’s going on there you triglycerides we want under 100. so when the triglycerides are high that can develop into fatty liver your ldls are really hot you want that under 100. this isn’t a fabulous lab for a woman your age this puts your coronary heart disease riskier and a little bit high here 1.1 don’t be freaking out about that homocysteine again you’re within range but i’ll tell you that we want it below 12 for good heart function and we want to below 7 for brain function so what that’s i’m i have 12. you’re 12.1 when this gets elevated it tends to be destructive to the blood vessels so along with your high cholesterol your high levels we don’t like seeing that number high the smallest blood vessels are really in your brain right it’s on your heart so i like to see this below 12 to make sure that we’re not destroying blood vessels they’re below 7 for the brain because your immune system is tagged the thyroid when it’s eating away the thyroid it means you’re destroying the tissue that makes t4 and t3 okay so it’s not showing up yet on lab right so if you if you went to your typical endocrinologist you’re like i don’t know nothing to do there is something because you have an immune problem more than you have a thyroid problem at this point okay and so that’s what the feet issue is too you think yeah because you’re developing these antibodies against peripheral nerve tissue right and your cerebellum which isn’t cool the way that i work this is i need to do additional testing i need to work with you for a few months you need to make massive dietary changes for you i need to look for other infections i’d be sitting up for probably a six month program like once a week for about 12 weeks and then like twice a week for a couple months and then like once a month for the remaining months and you’re looking at a lot of money how much money you’re looking at thousands like how many thousands of dollars but that would include my fee the amount of supplements we’d have to do and additional retesting so what i have to do is test i’m going to have to re-test to make sure i know i have fixed what i’ve fixed or what i say i need to fix but we need to put you through a process where i’m following up with you we change your diet like you’re young right now we want to stop this in its tracks we don’t need you going down the road and getting sicker in the future okay sorry no it’s i understand i make a lot of people crying here usually before 11 o’clock so the problem for me is like you’re not super disciplined and you’re probably not super disciplined by changing this stuff yeah you know we can work it out a little bit differently with you um i’ll try and modify it the reason that i don’t typically like to do that is i want to make sure that you get a really strong result yeah then we look down here and your lipids are a little upside down so your cholesterol is a little on the high side so what we look at is how to um diminish the triggers to your immune system so any kind of infection is going to trigger that right hormonal involved insulin surges all those different things can trigger your immune system so what my job is i see it going forward is to start to like knock down all the different triggers the immune system comes down and responds helpfully to an infection not to it’s like this like there’s a spider on my desktop like this your immune system in this case is like it pulls out the shotgun with boom blows the dust away and half the table away in the floor away just to kill a spider okay so now it’s starting to like attack my nerves correct that’s why you have the tingling in the burning that’s why you have the sensations okay is that what’s causing a lot of my fatigue and my brain fog you think like it’s both i think you also have antibodies against your um against synapses which is a neurotransmitter but it’s also against your cerebellum so that’s part of it too so when i clean up your diet put you on a strict program and start to so that’s the other thing like i would start you with like a three week cleanse a metabolic cleanse to a work on your liver and reduce what’s called the antigen load to your system which is all the proteins that you put in from your diet that make me systemic what’s going on here and they start freaking out that’s the starting point for somebody like you okay because whether it’s me or something like it’s important that you take care of this so what’s next you’re just gonna put together like what here’s the test here’s what needs to happen okay cool thank you so much my pleasure that was very clear and there is hope here in size okay you’re not gonna die at least not today oh my god [Laughter] so frustrating i don’t even know what to think right now said that my test was not good for someone my age apparently my body’s just attacking [ __ ] everything god i’m just glad that you know we finally have answers and i’m just glad that we can move forward and i can start working on it but also the treatment plan is thousand dollars like what the [ __ ] bro what the [ __ ] is going on hi one sec sure so i walk in and i sit down and he’s being very like nice and he’s freaking me out because he’s a sarcastic dad and being like i don’t want you to freak out we know what’s wrong with you and it is an autoimmune basically have you heard of um hashimito disease we have hashimoto’s hashimoto yeah i have pretty popular is and apparently it’s like really extreme case the number one symptom is fatigue depression memory lapses and that’s why my feet are numb and tingly all the time because it’s like it like doesn’t know where to attack when he said the word what is it hashemito i was like what the [ __ ] is that [Music] motto hashimoto hashimoto did he say it’s pretty treatable i know it’s a pretty severe level he said it is but it’s just gonna be like a long process i don’t know if it can go away completely i still need to also do my research i’ve been on the internet the entire time i got back but i just have to like completely change my diet i can’t eat fast food whatsoever i can’t eat processed food whatsoever like stay away from pasta and like grains and [ __ ] no sugar no cheese no dairy yeah he was gonna create a diet plan for me and then every week i have to like write down what i eat and stuff and like show him that every week supplements every week to take and like measure my [ __ ] out every week for six months it just sucks that i have to like not restrict but like be so conscious about food like i yeah and it might not be forever it might be in this period where you’re doing treatment right now and then you’ll have to maybe readjust your relationship with other foods while you’re getting the medication and getting your hormones back to a regular level and then adding maybe back in some foods to see yeah like i don’t want to develop an eating disorder through this and like think of all of these other foods as bad but also i know that if i eat them it will make my disease worse so foods are not bad right and then some foods don’t gel well with certain people because of stuff they cannot control yeah right that’s not demonizing any food yeah as good or bad it’s have you heard of the process with intuitive eating how i explain to people who have allergies is like or something like this it’s you’re trying to see what your body feels good with and it sounds like there are just some that it doesn’t feel good so it might have to be a different relationship which really sucks yeah and it’s really cool that you were able to notice like i don’t want to go down a bad path with this kind of stuff and talk through this stuff because you’re 24 years old that’s really young yeah right like he said it’s pretty rare to find it like this and somebody this young to me that that sounds good because you don’t have as much wear and tear on your body as like a 40 50 year old who just found this out that’s true because when did you start noticing these symptoms three years ago it was like right when i moved to l.a so i thought the depression and fatigue and [ __ ] was just me adapting to not living at home thought i was just like a situational thing it just was never getting better and like i was telling you while i was there with you i’m like do i have like bipolar like why are my mood swings so up and down why do i feel [ __ ] exhausted and why do i sleep through [ __ ] why do i not want to talk to people like why when this was never really a thing for me before why do i feel so [ __ ] scattered so i’m just really praying that once i do this treatment it’s just gonna clear everything and be like oh wow i’m not depressed like i’m not tired so yeah i’m just so happy that it showed the results on that piece of paper and i know that’s why i like this neurologist because he made me do literally every [ __ ] test i can take so that he has some sort of answer i feel like relieved and just like grateful because it just makes so much sense like yeah you’re not crazy you’re making these things up like you have hashimoto’s disease yeah but then i’m like body what the [ __ ] but like love you but like it’s genetic i imagine someone in our family has it really and hasn’t gotten treated for it yeah i’ll probably go get tested for that if you’re feeling like anything it’s your body trying to tell you something and i just wasn’t really listening to my body growth change it’s gonna be good your face i’ll be fine that’s what i’m saying like i don’t want i’m just in shock yeah you’ll be okay it’s just holy [ __ ] yeah journey to getting that i know i always said in my head i’m like well creative people like the most creative people get depressed and i would talk to therapists and i was talking out loud and i’m like when i’m talking about my past things like well like i’ve already accepted it and like i don’t let that affect me anymore maybe there are still some things lingering but i just knew that this depression and tiredness was like something way different it wasn’t just mental it was like yeah you do yeah very strange how that works because i literally would be like oh my god i’m like talking to someone and my memory is so bad i’m dissociating so bad i’m so tired and fatigued like i could literally go to sleep right now just talking to someone and then like the next day i like won’t remember the conversation and then i feel bad because i forget to like respond to people like i’m not cognitively performing and then it’s like it like [ __ ] up my relationships and then that like sends me down like a spiral that it’s literally all me that i’m just like shitty but it’s literally just because i have a [ __ ] disease that i haven’t been treating like the [ __ ] like and i’m not saying that that’s an excuse to like not be better at those things that i just said but it’s like it makes sense in my brain why it’s more difficult than it should be you know so that’s good at least i am aware of that because that’s all i want to do i want to be the best person i can be i want to like be a good friend of people i want to like have relationships and communicate and like want to be there so bad so this process and treatment helps me and it like makes me like feel alive and inspired to like make videos because that’s what i love to do and i randomly just hated making videos because i didn’t have the mental energy to wow yeah i’m also seeing myself yeah oh [ __ ] i should probably text my client oh yeah no i’ll let you go yeah keep me updated but it’s not like cancer or like i don’t need to get brain surgery like everything’s fine and treatable can you tell mom and dad now yeah are you actually okay thanks for telling me okay love you okay love you too bye oh hey it’s me uh yeah i don’t even really know what to say like a part of me felt like i was losing it i was just kind of in denial about it too because like i’m so young i don’t have health issues i should be thriving like my body should be working this is kind of how i’m describing how i’m feeling it’s almost kind of like a guilt that i failed my body when my body’s done so much for me without asking it to but also it’s not my fault either because i guess it’s hereditary but i didn’t even [ __ ] realize you know how much of a blessing health is i’m like looking at my body i feel more compassion for my body i just want to like tell my blood cells to chill i get that y’all trying to help me but you’re you’re beating up the wrong [ __ ] like stop y’all obviously saw it but i was just really emotional in the doctor’s office when he was telling me the results part of it was because i knew it i wasn’t going crazy it wasn’t just depression it wasn’t just i just left to sleep no [ __ ] i’m dealing with a chronic illness and i didn’t even know it doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep you get you’re [ __ ] tired constantly this is the best example that i can come up with right for brain fog it feels like you’re sick the sinuses where you kind of get it feels weird up here all the time like it feels like i’m sick but no fever and no stuffy no like it’s just like that [ __ ] cloudiness over my head or it’s it’s almost like a hangover all the time without the headache it’s just like you’re in a constant daze and you try so hard to snap back into the moment but then sometimes you get dizzy too it’s really [ __ ] up like i know what anxiety feels like i’ve had anxiety attacks and panic attacks before it’s not anxiety dude it’s so [ __ ] crazy it got very dark there for a second because since i thought it was depression and it was and i thought it was like anxiety and i thought it was just like other [ __ ] i just beat myself up so bad about it told myself i was always gonna be this way no matter how much i tried like i’ll always slip back into a depression like some days it would take everything in me to force myself to get out of bed and like actually focus on something and like talk to someone like i know it seems like i was fine in a lot of my videos and even in the podcast y’all that just it took every bit of brain power to feel like a person it like affected my relationship with my family because they just thought that i never wanted to talk to them because i never wanted to [ __ ] pick up my phone because if i did one thing that day i had no energy to talk to someone on the phone and then when people would like ask me about myself or like how i’m doing it was always the same [ __ ] thing and then they’re like have you tried therapy yes but talk therapy is something that isn’t it’s like physical symptoms and they’re like okay well do you exercise i’m like that doesn’t that’s not it and they’re like okay well have you checked your thyroid and i’m like yes [ __ ] i guess hashimoto’s disease doesn’t show up on like regular blood tests you have to get um a thyroid antibody which is i guess hard to get a lot of doctors i guess don’t automatically go that route but since i was in desperation my neurologist tested me for everything so that’s the only reason why i found out but apparently by taking like a regular blood test it’ll say that my thyroid levels are fine but this isn’t hypothyroidism it’s immune so it’s just different but it attacks the thyroid so watch so many youtube videos about other people’s experiences everyone’s symptoms were the exact same as mine and i was literally crying watching some of these youtube videos because i felt so validated and i it just felt so nice to hear someone go through the exact same day-to-day it’s almost like you’re gaslighting yourself like you’re making yourself feel crazy and so are other people i guess it’s really hard to diagnose and i was watching this one girl’s youtube video a lot of people with hashimoto’s get misdiagnosed as it being bipolar which really validated me because i was just telling my sister the other day that i like thought that i was bipolar um yeah and i just learned a lot about how to manage the symptoms how to even there’s this [ __ ] book every girly’s youtube video that i’ve seen about it one out of three talks about this book it’s like a bestseller it’s called hashimoto’s protocol a 90-day plan for reversing thyroid symptoms and getting your life back and it’s just a step-by-step process so i’m gonna be reading this every day my doctor said that he has to put me on a really strict nutrition plan like i can’t have [ __ ] cheese like that sucks but i know there’s lots of like vegan options so i don’t know it’s just like i have to reprogram my brain and like want to but i do want to like obviously i want to be healthy and i want to feel better but yeah i’m still trying to stay positive really grateful that i have a name to this [ __ ] like i have a name to these extreme debilitating symptoms i’m not gonna let my white blood cells control me i’m not gonna let my [ __ ] thyroid control me you know it’s like i can control most of the symptoms if i really want to do that and i want to do that it’s gonna be hard but i just [ __ ] have to it’s like part of self-love and self-care i think that although it’s going to be [ __ ] hard i think that it’s going to change my life it’s going to make me really appreciative of just my body in general and just kind of like feel more connected to my body which is kind of weird but for these past few years i have not felt connected to my body whatsoever because of my symptoms like i literally was so confused and it made me kind of literally hate my body and like hate my brain like i was so mean to myself i was pretty [ __ ] negative because i didn’t know why i was like this because i knew i shouldn’t hate myself because i’m cool but i just hated the way i [ __ ] felt and it yeah it made me it got dark but if y’all have any you know great recipes without gluten dairy sugar hit me up or if you all have any like good instagram accounts to follow about this [ __ ] or just like i’m already on the reddit thread i’m already a part of the reddit community [ __ ] i just needed to be looking at a thread of people all with the same concerns as me so that’s been helpful but you know this is for my body and i love her and now it’s my turn to give back to her because my body has been doing so much for me you know also yeah it’s like do i stop taking my antidepressants since i know like what’s going on or do i also this is something i need to talk to my doctor about not y’all i’m also just like okay so have i ever been depressed was that not depression this entire time i’ve always had anxiety i don’t know y’all it’s crazy the body is nuts and so is the brain when i’m eating and i’m like swallowing food my body is just like [ __ ] categorizing [ __ ] putting [ __ ] here putting [ __ ] here putting [ __ ] here putting it through my blood sanding it over there like what the [ __ ] my body’s just doing that i literally feel like my white blood cells are my body guards my thyroid’s like whoa whoa whoa whoa i was invited here and my white blood cells are like what’s your [ __ ] name but my thyroid’s like yes it is and then my white blood cells are flipping through the pages they’re like but it actually is they’re just big bro bodyguards and i feel like my thyroid’s like a woman like a hot cool woman and these men just like hate her just like won’t accept her i guess but then also like i love my white blood cells like they protect me but just [ __ ] chill i’d talk to my body every day now which is great it helps me connect with it and i feel more like connected with myself you know maybe this is what i needed it’s like this weird silver lining where it’s like maybe this is like the smack in the ass that i needed to like further my [Music] self i don’t know i’m that type of [ __ ] that always tries to find the good in things even though i can accept that this is just annoying without trying to find the good and everything but also like i don’t wanna wallow in that i don’t [ __ ] know man all i know is that i can’t eat taco bell and that sucks it is such a [ __ ] privilege for me to just walk into a doctor and get my blood drawn and [ __ ] i know that that’s not possible for a lot of people so you know i am really really blessed that i’m able to even get an answer so if you even have the resources or like the means to figure your body out do it and if you have health insurance [ __ ] go to the doctor if you feel weird go to the doctor i understand how difficult even just making that doctor’s appointment is so be gracious with yourself i hope that this motivates some of y’all to like light a fire up under your ass but i also don’t want every single person to be like oh my god is there something wrong you know it’s just like listen to your body like your body’s trying to communicate my feet were screaming at me every night but i’m like oh my feet just get hot let me go buy some ice pack socks i literally bought ice pack socks my [ __ ] ass bought neuropathy essential oil that would rub on my feet but i wouldn’t go back to the doctor and demand an answer just do what you can i love you guys that’s what i’m gonna end this with i love you guys and thank you for always being a part of this journey and just know that if you have a hashimoto’s disease or an autumn auto i can’t use me if you have an autoimmune disease we’re in this together and we got this proud of us and now i got isabella’s help love you [ __ ] okay i’m gonna end this love you [Music] i guys we would never fail we would never die [Music]
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my diagnosis.

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